I like the nuclear family model. I used to think it would be wonderful for grandparents, in-laws, etc. to all live together in a lovey-dovey commune like structure – share a yard like they do on HBO’s Big Love (but not the husband).
Next month is the 14th anniversary of my mother-in-law living with us. At Thanksgiving, she went to stay with her sister for a few weeks (she’s still gone after a big "discussion" with my husband about giving her me another week to visit). She goes away for about a week every two or three years. Though I know my mother-in-law is awesome to have at home because she can be there for the kids when they get home and I’m working (not to mention the mounds of laundry she does), I really appreciate this time having the house as a nuclear family. I like it with just me, my husband, and two daughters.
Our whole family dynamic changes when she’s gone. It’s … good. The girls help around the house more. And the daughter who usually gives me grief gets all nice and cuddly. My big baby actually sat on my lap for 20 minutes the other night and we just talked. About friendshp, boys, the future, the present. It was wonderful.
When my mother-in-law is gone, we’re not depressed because we don’t have to hear over and over about the uncle who died in the mine when a piece of slate fell on him or how much she hates people who drink. We’re not angry because we aren’t being needled about making a mess. We laugh, we wrestle, we yell. We play because we’re not being reminded that we need to "grow up." We’re happy.
I cherish these times. And I caution people to be very very careful if you’re considering opening your home to other family members. It may be great for you (and I fervently hope it is), but even the best of people can be sour to live with.
Well she's back home, but she's being nice again. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. I think she realized that sitting around with old people watching soap operas all day is of the epic fail variety. She likes being around loud, laughter, etc. more.
Wow, that's really intense. I think that it's great that you've put up with it for so long as the other comments have pointed out. But I think it's really cool that you're able to observce the change in dynamics that occur when she is and isn't there, while acknowledging that she is helpful. That's truly a mark of maturity.
14 years???????
I'm going to have a drink for you my dear 😉
Kudos to you and your family for opening your home to your MIL.
There's a star waiting for your crown in heaven!
Yes it's tough– and that's if you have a nice MIL! My MIL is an agressive, abrasive, loudmouth who does not really get along with DH or me, yet DH would like her to move in with us when she is too old to live alone because that's what "family" does. I keep trying to tell him what awful things it will do to our happy little nuclear family. It's hard enough when she visits!
Anyway, blessings on you for living like this for 14 years!