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Guest Column: Then There’s the Other Side

Today, I watched my son receive an award for being on the honor roll all school year. I am over the moon proud of the little prince. Every year since he started school (he is finishing up third grade) he has done well with his academics. Whenever report cards come out we see wonderful grades, but average, if we are lucky, conduct grades. There is very little concern that he will put anyone out of the running for a good citizenship award.

So, I started thinking. Yes, my little prince can be a handful at times. But, which would I rather have, a nerd with a little attitude, or a slacker with perfect behavior? He wants to be a meteorologist when he grows up, lofty goals for such a young age. He will need the strong academic skills he is building now.

I know well enough that the angst he causes me know will ebb and flow as he matures and grows. I realize there will be days I want to pull my hair out. But, more often than not, I will kiss him every night and tell him how proud I am of him. Not just for the grades, but for the great kid he really is, and the wonderful man I know he will become.

Guest Author Theresa Hesse is full time mom of two rambunctious children, full time employee, part time student and devoted to her family and friends. Being a tiny bit insane helps juggle everything!! Theresa enjoys writing, sewing and music. Her dislikes include sorting socks, yardwork and scratchy blankets.

Photo by Woodley Wonder Works via Flickr Creative Commons.

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Just One Song

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

You know how you can walk into a strange place and the smell of something as innocuous as machinery oil can transport you back 40 years o your Grandfather’s old shop? That happened to me about three or four years ago as I was showing a house to a friend and walked into a backyard workshop.

Today, my 20 year old found a little audio tape we bought for her when she was one- or two-years old. It was one of those “name” tapes where the songs were all pre-recorded and then a kid’s name was inserted. We heard “It’s a Sing-Along Day for Annie” tonight for the first time in about 17 years.

The expression on her face – the smile, the memories – was a moment that I have lived to see as a mother. I knew then that her childhood was filled with happiness.

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Guest Column: Don’t Mess With Mama

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

Whoever said raising a son is easy hasn’t met my boy. The little prince (and I use that term loosely as of late) is about to turn nine years old. He is apparently at “that” age. You know the one, were he likes to test the adults to see what all he can get away with. Every week there is a note from his teacher…your son did _________ today. So, his father asked me recently if I believed we should consult a child psychologist for all of his bad behavior.

Most of the problems at school are simple mischief. I get that he has to follow the rules at school and there should be consequences if he doesn’t. But I also know that double jeopardy is against the law, so I usually don’t punish him a second time if the offense is minor. I told his dad that he is just being a boy. Boys cause mischief…boys test the limits.

Until last week, when he was caught in the act of throwing toilet paper (not clean, dry tp, use your imagination) in the boy’s restroom at school. I received an email from his teacher where she informed me the little prince had lost his field day privileges and had she sent him to the principal, he likely would have been suspended. UH OH! This went a little past the simple mischief I had so recently convinced his father he was guilty of. So, now the prince has been grounded. No TV, no video games, no computer time and, thanks to his father, an earlier bedtime. My son is bored out of his mind and driving me a little tiny bit crazy. I am seriously wondering who is suffering the most here, the prince, or me.

I can live through this, and hopefully there will be no psychoanalysts in either of our future. I have one tiny message for my son; he is messing with the wrong Mama. I know all the tricks, I have the t-shirt. There are very few things I didn’t pull as a child (with the glaring exception of throwing dirty toilet paper in the school restroom.) I also have a vivid imagination and a wealth of resources which to draw from for punishments if need be. Don’t mess with Mama!

Photo from Smart Parenting.

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And a Happy Easter It Was

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

We at Shak & Jill hope your Easter was beautiful! I have to admit that I couldn’t concentrate in church yesterday. I was distracted by my nephew who was impatient for the egg hunt!

I had to laugh at my sister’s stories about her office. One guy is a real jerk. Another has no personality. But overall she’s happy and – because she is a widow – she certainly deserves to be happy.

This, though, was probably my favorite moment… laughing when I captured the photo.

He looks just like his Daddy!

Have a great week, everyone!

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Why My House is a Mess

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

I had about a thousand things to do on Sunday – one was to clean the house. Not deep cleaning. instead just dusting and vacuuming which does involve picking up stuff and putting things away (often the lion’s share of cleaning).

I only finished one coffee table – cleaned and dusted! I started on the buffet next to the stairs and stopped… there’s a chance I might have said a little wirty-dord in the process. Why? Because every time I tried to put something away – endless undone pieces of projects – someone would fuss. “Why did you put that in a drawer? It’s out of sight so I won’t remember to do it.”

It was put in the drawer to get out of sight! Woe is the tail chasing!

I gave up. The floor was picked up, but not vacuumed. One table was dusted. And the buffet and other table tops in the living room remain cluttered.

The husband left to get our cooking ingredients just one hour before company was due. I needed mayo for the deviled eggs and some soft cheese for my macaroni. The last minute rushing always elevates my stress!

Watching my friend’s little boy climb my tree – and having a tree designed just for climbing – made it all worthwhile, though. And so went my weekend… how was yours?

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Meh. Who Needs Bedtime?

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

Who is the worst Mom in the world when it comes to enforcing bedtime rules? My arm is raised and my hand is waving. Of course, I have a teenager and a young adult at home (well sometimes at home, sometimes not). Often I go to bed ahead of my girls and leave the shoo’ing to the father.

Therefore you won’t get any argument from me about Sometimes, you gotta break the rules,

Daddy: Punkin! Get in here!

All four of us, snuggling in bed.

Me: Surprise! It’s Family-Movie-Popcorn-Snuggle Night!

Cue the giggles, jumping on the bed, squeezing in under the covers, hugs, snuggles, laughs and absolute love fest. Sigh. Who needs bedtime?

Okay okay, we do. We absolutely need bedtime. But sometimes, you just gotta break the rules. Sometimes, it’s okay to sacrifice the clock to gain unforgettable family snuggle time.

Sounds to me like Mediocre Mom and her husband are really some of the BEST parents around. Applause applause for creating those fantastic memories for their children!

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Little Piece of Your Heart

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

Have you ever had one of those weeks where it seems half the children of the town call you “Mom”? One of those weeks where children and young adults turn to you for advice, comfort, or a place to stay? Last week was that for me.

One of my daughter’s friends came home to see her Mom. Instead of spending time talking, sharing, and hugging, they began fighting immediately. The friend called and asked if it was okay for her to come over to say hello. Of course it was! She spent nearly the entire day with me instead of with her own Mom. That broke my heart… it really did. I suppose they haven’t reached the stage of their adult-daughter / mother relationship yet where they do enjoy their time together. For both of them, I ache for their day to come.

Another friend of my daughter called me later that week. She wanted to know about how you can tell if you’ve found true love. O.o I was floored that the young-adult asked me … where was *her* mother? Divorced, that’s where.

Parents… please talk to your children. Open your lines of communication with them. They want you as young adults. They need you. Get past the screaming and yelling so there is value in your relationships. Children – your parents do love you, too.

As the children do become young adults, know that the time is growing short to build those ties that bind. Do it. It’s not too late.

Photo by indi samarijiva via flickr creative commons.

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Things We Learn from Mom

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

We learn so much from our Moms. It’s sometimes hard as adults to realize that our life-views grow wildly apart, but some basic tenets remain no matter your politics, religion, or views on raising children. The peanutonesweblog looks at several great Mom tips,

If you make the recipe the exact same way every time, measuring every item precisely, it will turn out the same way every time. This will be a good thing, until your family gets bored of this dish. When your cooking is more unpredictable, you don’t need as many recipes in your reportoire. However, you may find that dinner is occasionally inedible.
Using paper plates for every meal will make your children exclaim over how fancy their friends are when they use “the real china,” thus exposing them as uncultured hicks.

On a more serious note, some things I’ve learned from my Mom include: 1) Sometimes trusting your own instinct is more powerful than a doctor’s advice. Moms know when something is OR IS NOT wrong. 2) Popping your false teeth out can distract and startle a crying toddler enough to stop the wails. And 3) Be bold in your threats to involve “Dad” when kids do bad things. They are gruff, but lovable after all.

That’s my Mom & Dad in the photo. I’m the baby and the other kiddo is my sister.

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I’ll Be That Mom

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

I have a feeling that someday I’ll be described like Kristy is described. I already feel a connection with her.

I love my mom, I do not want to be her. My sister and I have emailed, called, and texted “Krincidences” that happen. We both have “Kristy moments” and try to out do each other while not really trying to out do each other. My sister, Jen, called me just the other day to tell me she drove off with her coffee cup on the top of her car. I did this very thing this very morning. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. We love to catch each other committing a Krincidence, it happens more often now that we have a bunch of children. Holidays turn into full-blown competitions with a weighted scoring system. I won Thanksgiving 2009 just by showing up in the exact same shirt as my mom. That was a gigantic blow to my ego.

My youngest daughter does not like my clothes. Actually she hates them with a passion! I do so hope that one day we wear the same clothes for Thanksgiving. Actually my oldest Annie does have a pair of jeans like mine. Or I have one like her.

I once had a shirt that upon reflection was pretty hideous. I realized how bad it was when my husband and I were driving and I glanced at the 65-year old(‘ish) woman we were passing. We had twin shirts. That particular white with purple and blue flowered garment became a part of my pajama drawer.

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Family Is Everything

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

My friend Brittney recently moved to New York. A conversation,

She asked how long I’d been in New York, and I told her, and then she asked how I did it, living in this big city all by myself.

I said I didn’t mind it at all, and that I found it very easy to meet people in New York.

“Family is everything. It is everything. It is all we have.”

She said it with such gravity, such certainty, that it sounded perfectly true.

I suggested that perhaps without family, friends could serve as companions. She shook her head no and took a drag off a nearly-gone cigarette.

I am looking forward to the day when my Annie decided it’s okay to be friends with her Momma again. These college years must have been torture for my mom, too. Family is everything. And I’m missing my baby girl today.

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