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Asking Vs. Telling

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Discipline is always hard for me. I love kids, and I hate confrontation. So, dealing with discipline problems with children is pretty much my worst nightmare. My golden rule is to treat kids with as much respect as possible– like they’re real people! When I need them to do something, I always ask. But, sometimes, just “asking” doesn’t cut it when you need kids to follow instructions. As much as they need respect, kids also need discipline. But how do you know when to ask, and when to tell? Read this post by Heather at Mamas Spot for advice:

I have a tendency to ask my kids almost everything. “Do you want to put on your shoes now?” “Should we have macaroni and cheese for dinner?” “How about you go brush your teeth?”

These are questions that present a problem if they are answered with no, because they are not really choices. If we’re going outside, we need shoes. If I’m preparing mac and cheese for dinner, that’s what we’ll be having.

By setting limits with your children using clear and nurturing language, you are in actuality providing children with the safety and consistency that they need to have all the freedom you want them to have.

Photo Credit: Andrew Taylor 

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Dinner Time Conversations

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One of the most important parts of bonding as a family is having dinner together, at a table, distraction free, every night. In fact, the reason I think I am so close to my family is because my parents stuck to that principle so hard. I don’t remember ever experiencing awkward, silent dinners; there were never any lulls in conversation. Probably because we’re all so talkative! However, if you have a more reserved family, or you’re just now trying out eating together, it may be a little awkward. What do you talk about, beyond “How was your day?” For some family dinner conversation starters, check out this post by Natalie Wright at Organized Mom (she suggests throwing them in a jar, pulling one question out per meal, and discussing it):

-What did you do today that you are proud of?

-What did you dream about last night?

-What makes you happy when you’re sad?

-What is your favorite book?

-What is your favorite thing about the person next to you?

My personal favorite? This: Tell us something new that you learned today!

It lets kids review things from school, and lets all family members learn from each other.

Photo Credit: Scott & Elaine Van der Chijs 

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Child Discipline Blunders

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Raising a child is extremely difficult; the ups are amazing, but the downs can make you question everything you believe in sometimes. One of the hardest parts of parenting is discipline. You love your kids, hate yelling at them, but want them to grow into adults who can tell the difference between right and wrong. It’s especially hard for me: I hate confrontation, being aggressive (or even assertive), and I wish everyone could just get along. I’m a hippy-dippy feel-good idealist; and I’m extremely happy with who I am. The only problem is that it makes life difficult not everyone is on the same page as me. Honestly, I have no idea how to discipline kids. The idea of it makes me sick, but so does the idea of having spoiled, entitled, rude brats. For what NOT to do when disciplining a child, check out this post by Matt Jacobson at For The Family. It’s written from a Christian perspective, but I think parents of other faiths, or even secular parents can benefit from the advice:

-Do not discipline in anger: it is extremely destructive in the long run

-Do not discipline because of pride: punishing your kids to get a stranger’s approval is harmful

-Do not discipline with continued condemnation after repentance: once they do the time, move on.

-Do not discipline without listening: gather all information before handing out consequences.

Photo Credit: Circa Sassy  (Isn’t it great?? Hahahaha!) 

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Older Kids? How To Prepare Them For The New Baby

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Going from being an only child to being a big brother or big sister is a huge change in every child’s life. Sometimes, they might not be very accepting of the fact. Sometimes, they get extremely excited! Or they may be somewhere in between. But, helping them adjust to the changes can be easier if you start before the baby is born. Check out these tips by Paula at Beauty Through Imperfection:

-Practice with a baby doll: little girls AND little boys need to learn how to be gentle with a baby- a doll can be good practice.

-Read books about the transition

Here are some of my mom’s personal tips:

-At the baby shower, make sure the older sibling gets presents as well, so they feel included

-Some hospitals offer big brother/ big sister classes! How fun! They also will give you tours of the hospital and the nursery, so your child knows what to expect.

-When a baby is born, it’s extremely easy to get caught up in the excitement. They need tons of care, and lots of time: just make sure you constantly let your older child know how much you love them and don’t forget to give them attention as well!

Photo Credit: flash.pro 

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Helping Out The NICU

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Being a new parent with a baby in the NICU is probably one of the scariest things you can experience. It can be an extremely stressful time (the NICU= Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Newborns go here when they experience medical emergencies), and can last days, weeks, or even months. I have a family friend who recently had to deal with her new son being in the NICU for a few weeks– and it was rough. You want to do whatever you can to help, but what can you do when all there is is to wait and hope? Well, during times like those, it’s extremely important to have close support network of family and friends. Read this post by Krissy at B-Inspired Mama for some great ideas on how to help out NICU parents and their babies:

-Don’t expect to visit- NICU limits visitation to only 1 or 2 people at a time

-Offer childcare for older children- so parents can focus on their sick one

-Wait on the baby gifts until the baby is home, give gas cards or cash to help out instead.

-Listen, don’t pry. Limit your advice unless you have experienced their EXACT situation

-Support the Children’s Miracle Network- they fund NICU hospitals

Photo Credit: Official U.S. Navy Flickr 

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Making Adoption A Financial Option

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When I express my interest in one day adopting a child, I’m usually faced with many incredulous looks. Sometimes, people wrinkle their noses, and say, “Why? Don’t you want YOUR OWN kid?” Other people think it’s a fine idea, but usually gasp and say, “But it’s so EXPENSIVE!” Okay. 1. If I do decide to adopt, rather than birth a child- it makes no difference. He or she will still be MY OWN child. And 2. Deciding to have children is an expensive choice no matter what. However, yes, adoption fees can be insanely high, and the entire process is a ton of work- it can take years, and requires an endless amount of paperwork, character investigations, and home studies before you are even considered. If you are adopting outside your own country, the process can be even more harrowing. But, in the end, it’s all worth it. Ask any new mother who has just given birth and she will tell you the same- the pain, no matter how bad, was worth it. Adoptive parents just go through a different kind of struggle. There is good news, though! There are plenty of grants out there for adoptive parents that can help with the cost. Check out this post by Natalie at Little Things, Big Stuff for grant application tips:

Ask what grants other families have received. We asked families who are similar to us (the same religion, living in your state, adopting from the same country, etc.). We thought about the categories we fit into and applied for specific grants.

Create a spreadsheet with details of the grants to simplify the process

Get a core of five good references

Include a cover letter, even if it doesn’t ask for one. We kept it short, but included fun details of our story that make us unique.

Photo Credit: Steven Depolo 

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What Happens When Mom Always Says Yes? An Experiment

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Everyone knows you can’t say yes to your child about everything. You don’t want him or her to become a spoiled brat, plus they often want things that aren’t good for them (like candy 24/7) or that are unrealistic (I want to live in Disney World!). Or so you’d think. But, sometimes parents get caught up in the automatic “No’s” all day that they don’t stop and listen to what their child is actually asking. Sometimes, what makes a child happiest is nothing more than a simple request: more time with Mom and Dad. Kim Sorgius at Not Consumed decided to see what would happen if she said nothing but “yes” to everything her kids asked for a day. It sounds like that could be disastrous, but her results were surprising and more than a little heartwarming:

I had envisioned this day to be one filled with bossy kids on a sugar high. I assumed I’d find myself annoyed at filling their requests, but instead I found myself totally blessed.

The night would end in a tickle fest and stargazing on the back porch way past bedtime.

The day came and went with no electronics, no fighting, and no sad faces. But there was certainly no lack of giggles and laughter. Hugs and smiles. Talking, playing, and memories.

You absolutely have to read the entire post. I admit it made me tear up a bit. The comments were inspiring as well.

Photo Credit: Abhi Ryan 

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Married To The Military? How To Make Deployment More Bearable

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One of my best friends from high school got married about a year ago, and her husband joined the army shortly after. He’s doing what he loves, making decent money, they get a lot of government benefits, and she’s extremely proud of him. But, the only downside is deployment. It’s a scary time for both spouses, and horrible for the one left at home. Plus, she misses him like crazy! I’ve never seen anyone freak out so much over a short phone call. Seriously, I have no idea how she does it. When my man goes up to Michigan to visit family for a week, I get pretty bummed out by day 3. And she has to survive months of him being gone! It’s tough to survive, but not impossible. For help on making deployment less terrible, check out these tips from Danielle at The Frugal Navy Wife. They center on enjoying your time alone, focusing on yourself, and finding other productive things to do:

-Eat the food YOU love

-Experiment with new recipes

-Blog it! Or write about it in a journal. It’s therapeutic. Just be sure to not disclose info about your spouse and the specifics of their deployment (homecoming dates, how long they’ve been gone, where they are, etc.) if you’re putting it online. Safety first. Focus on YOUR life!

-Set special “deployment-only” activities: Pamper yourself. Take the kids to Chuck-E-Cheese. Give yourself SOMETHING to look forward to.

-Don’t watch the news- it’s important to stay informed, but sometimes it’ll just drive you crazy.

-Write a letter a day or make care packages. Your spouse or significant other will LOVE them! Seriously. They live for stuff from you and your kids.

Photo Credit: DVIDSHUB 

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How To Make Kids LOVE Chores

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I know what you’re thinking…. “Yeah, right!” Getting kids to do chores is a battle. And forget about them liking it. Looking back, I feel bad now about how horrible I was to my parents when they just asked me to do the dishes, or take out the trash, or feed the cat. But, it doesn’t have to be a fight! The key is incentives. Check out this post by Ursula at Homemade By Carmona for creative ways to get your kids excited about chores:

-Use a fun, colorful chore chart.

-Work for hire: pin money and chore names to a bulletin board, let the kids decide what they want to do.

-Practice consistency! Make it an every day habit

-Motivate: set goals and make sure that they are accomplished

-Reward: Sweet treats, fun activities, and hugs are great rewards.

Photo Credit: woodleywonderworks 

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