Family Archives - Page 11 of 26

Mom, I’m Going to Study Abroad

Her words were exciting to me. And scary.

“Mom. I want to study abroad this summer. I’m thinking London or Ireland.”

My mind whirled to the latest news warning Americans to be careful when traveling in Europe. My mind swirled at the idea of how much it could cost. My mind settled on, “But she’s my baaaaabeeeee and can’t travel to Europe alone!”

Fortunately, Annie explained that she would travel with a group and was already told she would most likely be 100 percent funded through her fellowship. That made me feel better.

While one side of me has my heart quietly beating at the internal volume of a heavy metal concert, on the outside I am extremely excited for her. Proud. Encouraging. Cheering her on.

But worried.

Photo by Philipp Klinger via flickr creative commons.

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The Cake Carrier Near Fiasco

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

My mother-in-law can easily be compared to the character “Marie” on Everybody Love Raymond. When I cook, my meals are criticized. My house is not immaculate, so I’m constantly reminded about how when she was younger, she’d work for 12 hours and then come home to cook, do dishes, and then clean house and do laundry until midnight. Then she’d add, “I just don’t even try with this house now.” (I promise you that we do dust and vacuum at least every couple of weeks, so there are no “hoarder” stories to be told.)

A few years ago, “Gert” loaned me a punch bowl for work. It wasn’t an expensive one, but had been a gift from one of her friends. When we made the punch, the box was put on the floor next to the kitchen cabinet. After the party when everyone pitched in to clean, a colleague picked up the box (which still had the ladle inside) and hauled it to the dumpster. I did not know this and searched for a week to find that box.

When I learned what happened – after the garbage men came – I had to fess up to Gert. Six years later and I”m still hearing about it.

So tonight at my daughter’s 20th birthday party, Annie decided she wanted to take the leftover red velvet cake back to the dorm with her from the restaurant. I kicked into paranoid daughter-in-law mode,

“You guard that cake carrier WITH YOUR LIFE, girlie! It’s Grandma’s!!!”

She promised she would. We all went our separate ways – Annie off to college, me to drop off my other daughter’s boyfriend, and my husband to Kroger.

When my husband got home he asked, “Did you see what Annie did? She left the cake carrier on top of the car and drove off.”

I nearly had a cow, but not like the one Gert had, “She did WHAT? That cake carrier is older than she is!!”

While I was frantically searching for a brown lunch bag to breathe into, the husband added, “Yeah. She stopped and Mike* hopped out of the car to get it.”

Geez. That was a near fiasco.

*Not his real name.

Photo by Will Clayton via Flickr Creative Commons.

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Time to Slow Down

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

Shockingly, I have found a silver lining in this abysmal economy! For the last several years, I have run so much that I’ve caught up with myself (a few times!). Because our new reality budgeting requires us to cut back on expenses, some of the extracurricular activities have been greatly trimmed.

Erin had to give up baton twirling. Suddenly we have several extra nights a week free (from classes and private lessons) and we have an extra free weekend each month (no workshops or competitions). As the holiday season rolls around, we also have our weekends free from parades unless we want to go watch one. In the past, every single weekend starting at the end of November was booked for area parades. Night parades where we had to put lights on cars, day time parades where we decorated with green, silver, and gold garland and big red bows.

We are saving at least $300 per month by leaving the sport (and it was often more than that when figuring in lunches and extras). That’s a car payment we can now send.

What’s the plus side? We don’t have our “together” time in the car anymore fighting over the radio (I don’t like listening to Drake, Trey Songz, and Nicki Minaj while she *loves* them). Instead, we sit in the living room after school or in the evenings when we’re both home and talk about school, who she likes, and how cute the new kitten is. We talk about the guys at her school (not “boys” because she’s in high school now!). We talk about teachers. We talk about whether she should become a cosmetologist or an ultra-sound technician.

Having this free time is marvelous.

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The Teen Corner Has Turned

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

Erin and I have worked really hard over the last few years to build a good relationship. Our personalities are so much alike that we’ve had a tendency to clash – like two titans throwing lightning at each other. Throughout the years, we’ve told her that she gets what she gives.

About mid-summer something clicked. Everything we’ve worked toward in having a loving mother-daughter relationship – all the jokes, all the concerns, all the conversations – finally came together so that she understands that she is deeply loved. Erin finally understands that no matter what, no matter how old we both grow, she will always be precious to me.

Why would I write about this now? Because tonight marked the time that a third person commented on how well we were getting along. One person said, “You and Erin are doing great now, aren’t you?!”

I smile and say, “Yes we are. We’ve worked really hard together to get here and I love it.”

At one point I didn’t think we’d reach this destination. I hope we stay here for a long, long time.

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Wanted: Good Sportsmanship

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

Erin had to drop out of a sport for reasons out of her control. She had a love hate relationship with it anyway. She enjoyed the competition and it was good for her because mostly she tried to have fun with it and no matter the results, she always was a good sport. She had to give up a title she won this year, but were excited that a very deserving girl was the new recipient.

Today the new girl was presented with the title and Erin had the opportunity to go see her receive it, plus she wanted to support her friends in today’s tryouts for teams. But today… three of them at team tryouts wouldn’t even speak to her. They wouldn’t speak to their friend of five years because – apparently – she is no longer in their club.

As a Mom, I’m very hurt for Erin and I’m angry as a Momma Bear. Another girl left the organization during national competition because some of these same girls didn’t include her in a ghost tour. While I think the whole situation was blown out of proportion, I can definitely understand the hurt that must have been inflicted upon her after years and years of being snubbed.

The snubbing also happens online. While no one is “teased” per se, the constant posts about how much they love this person or that person and how much they miss her and her and how much they loved spending time with her and her and they are best friend forever! … that over-the-top I’ll-make-sure-the-whole-world-knows-who-I-like-and-it’s-not-you is exhausting. It’s subtle, but feels deliberate. And today rather confirmed it.

Erin felt the full force of the snubbing today. As a result, she will *never* go back to that sport unless it’s with a private coach only and away from these three. It also bothers me that the parents of these girls will trip over themselves to make excuses for their behavior. Maybe there was a headache. Or that’s just how the girl is when she’s concentrating or feels stressed. Or it just wasn’t a big deal, right?

However, what I see are spoiled, mean girls who are never held accountable for their poor sportsmanship. I understand they can pick their own friends, but there is a thing called common courtesy they should practice.

I do not wish bad or evil on them or their families. What I wish is that they could see how other people view their behavior. It’s not pretty. It’s not good. Shame on them for ignoring someone who was there to support them and cheer them on and who just wanted to be their friend.

Meanwhile, I’m proud of Erin because when she got home she said, “Mom. It’s just not worth fighting over.” and she let it go. I think my daughter is sometimes a bigger person than me.

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Go To Bed. NOW!

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

I wish nothing but the best for My Beautiful Wickedness who recently asked for advice on how to get the 6th grader to go to bed (and sleep) on time at night,

I think that part of it is still grappling with the aftermath of having her lullaby eliminated unilaterally by me about a month ago. (A kid who wants to stay up until 10 every night and begs to watch Glee does not need a lullaby tuck-in.)

I am guessing that without that familiar ritual, she just doesn’t know how to shut herself off. Or, rather, she gets to sleep rather easily (9-11) and then can’t get back to sleep once she wakes up.

I still battle my 15-year old to go to bed. She bounces in from school and within an hour is snoring on the couch – evidence that she stayed up all night. Of course, common sense dictates that the phone be taken away at 10:00 p.m., all TV’s are turned off, etc. As a parent, let me just say that’s a LOT easier said than done.

We have taken advantage of our phone carrier’s ability to shut the cell phone off at 10:00 p.m. No text messages in or out, no phone calls in or out (except for specific numbers … like Mom & Dad’s).

Good luck because you’ll need it! It’s definitely an uphill battle!

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The Memories Up to the Wedding

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

We’ve all seen photos online of non-traditional weddings, of brides and groom who look like … well … perhaps not a traditional couple (Jack Sprat and his wife who could eat no lean), and I’m devoted to silly wedding shows on television like Say Yes to the Dress and Four Weddings.

I never had a traditional wedding as my husband and I *almost* eloped. No long white gown, no church decorations, no cake I picked myself (a friend made a cake as a gift). Do I regret it? Sometimes. While I don’t regret marrying my husband of 24 years, I do sometimes wish we’d gone a different route – planned a big wedding with a fun, crazy reception.

That’s why it made me happy to read about Finn’s brother getting married. The wedding photos were beautiful – complete with a photo of the carriage and the circle around the altar. The bride was gorgeous, the family looked incredibly happy.

But my favorite part of the wedding (so far) are the memories she shared growing up with her brother are just precious.

Hey bro, remember that time I flew down The Hill on my bike and ran into you on your tricycle at the bottom? We had an oh-so-awesome-and-epic-crash and my parents still tell that story. I think that day gave Dad a few extra gray hairs because all he could do was watch it happen and wait for the aftermath. And remember your first haircut? I gave it to you with those plastic kiddie scissors we used to cut construction paper with.

Lovely lovely.

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The New Normal

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

We are living in a strange time. Every day families are adjusting to the changes brought on by a miserable economy (which is thankfully slowly climbing out of the dark hole it plunged into). We wiggle here, poke there, and do what needs to be done to try to restore some semblance of the normal we took for granted just a few short years ago.

This post by Shauna at *O Pish Posh* brought tears to my eyes as she describes her experiences,

We can’t eat lunch together anymore. These days he ventures out for fast food near his office, or takes recommendations for something decent to eat in whatever city he’s visiting for the week. She giggles with her new friends in the cafeteria at 10:20 in the freaking morning. Me? I talk to Zoe Pudl at the kitchen table. The dog is clearly disappointed that I don’t drop crumbs the way Pea does.

Lives are changing all around us. Kids grow up, go to college, start new jobs, get married. Husbands mourn lost jobs and struggle to find their place in the new world. Wives fight for the well being of their families. Some how. Some way.

Photo by DNA Michaud via flickr creative commons.

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Morning Car Line Irritability

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

Nothing is more maddening than waiting in the car line to drop the kids off at school and the car in front of you just sits there. And sits. And sits. Finally, a kid gets out then reaches back inside the car to get his or her backpack. Puts it on. Then reaches back in the car ONCE AGAIN to grab a book or money or whatever else they were not organized enough to have ready when they reached the front of the line.

This drives me nuts!

Busy Mom doesn’t like it much either. That’s why she takes steps ahead of time to have the kids ready when they reach the front of the line,

I would get them to unbuckle their seat belts when we were a couple of car lengths away from the drop-off zone and put their backpacks on so they’d be ready to get out of the car quickly.

For no particular reason, I’d say, “Time to unbuckle, Chuckle.”, and that just kind of stuck.

The family must be a riot to be around because they figured the “uckle” would now be started with the day of the week… (M)uckle, (T)uckle, (W)uckle. Until Friday. Then it’s Zuckle. Wise decision, friend.

Photo by thienzieyung via flickr creative commons.

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When Kids Develop Food Obsession

by Kathy T. Leave a Comment

My friend has gone through a lot these last three years. Typical Americans, they have faced medical problems, job loss, foreclosure, moving due to foreclosure – right alongside trying to raise young children.

While we as parents try to keep our children stress-free, sometimes it will trickle down to them. Children react differently to stress, but one result my friend’s daughter is experiencing is food obsession.

Her daughter is in the third grade, but has put on quite a bit of weight in the last year. My friend was already concerned, but grew even more worried when she found food hidden in her daughter’s closet. There were full bags of unopened potato chips, cookies, and other snacks tucked in the back under a pile of clothing.

Perhaps the top reaction a parent can have when they’ve discovered something like this or their children have started eating unhealthily is to not freak out. A parent should approach the subject with a lot of sensitivity and in a gentle way, but more importantly – stop bringing unhealthy food into the house. Concentrate shopping on fruit, vegetables, and other healthy foods.

The biggest concern is that with economic stress, the most important thing a parent needs to do may be out of reach: counseling.

For more information, visit the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. The site offers links about who to contact for a variety of eating issues.

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