Brace yourselves, guys! This is a long one. So long, in fact, that I had to break it up into two parts. But before I go any further, I need to say that I am not a doctor, and in no way is this article intended to give medical advice. I am writing this based on my own experience as a young adult who struggles with depression and has in the past as a teen. I’m trying to give you a guide on how to provide emotional support to your kids. This also isn’t to help you diagnose depression, it’s for parents who already know or suspect that their child has it (for symptoms, check here ). I’m going to try to help you get the facts, and let you know what has worked best for myself. Hopefully this will give you some new information, from the perspective of someone who has had to go through it. Since this is a pretty lengthy article, I’m going to split it into two parts. Today, I’ll be talking about what you should absolutely NOT do when dealing with a depressed teen. Tomorrow, I’ll try to give advice on what you should DO to help them through it. But for today,
DO NOT:
-Blame yourself: My parents are the most loving, awesome people you will ever meet. I had an amazing, happy childhood and they have constantly given me their full support with everything I’ve ever wanted to do. The point is, you can be the most perfect parent on the planet, and your kid might still suffer from clinical depression. It can happen for many reasons, most of which will be completely out of your control. Growing up is hard, no matter where you come from!
-Think it couldn’t affect YOUR child: Depression has many faces. Is your child a star athlete? The top of her class? A popular social butterfly with tons of friends? A talented musician? Funny, outgoing, clever, creative? You think they couldn’t possibly be depressed, because they have no reason to be? None of that means anything, and depression often doesn’t have a “reason” (even though there are events that can trigger it). It can happen to anyone. In fact, people with more intelligent or creative minds tend to be depressed more often.
–Assume they’re trying to kill themselves: Not all teens with depression will self-harm. In fact, many don’t. I never wanted to hurt myself or die– I was just extremely lethargic and uninterested in things that used to make me happy. Talk with them, and don’t freak out!
-Assume it’s a phase: Liking stupid rubber band bracelets? That’s a phase. Dressing in a new way is a phase. Branching out on music tastes, hanging out with different friends, using new vocabulary– these are all totally normal phases that teens go through when trying to discover who they want to be. Sleeping for 15 hours a day, having anxiety attacks about going to class or socializing, and turning to self harm is NOT a phase, and is not normal.
-Ignore it- Although I said that many kids with depression do not self-harm, there are some that do. Know the signs, talk with them, keep a close eye on them, and seek medical help if you discover that they are self harming.
-Tell them to “snap out of it”: Would you tell a diabetic to just “get over their insulin imbalance?” Would you tell someone with a cold to just “try NOT having the cold”? Of course not! Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is a PHYSICAL as well as a mental disorder. Telling them to “just get over it” is NOT helpful, and will often make it worse. They’ll wonder, “What’s wrong with me? Why CAN’T I snap out of it? Am I really that incompetent? Why is life so hard for me? Why is everyone else so good at just existing?” And it’ll just continue the cycle.
-Be afraid of professional help/medication: Sometimes, people find therapy, antidepressants or a combination of both to be very beneficial. For me, therapy worked wonders and the drugs did almost nothing. It’s different for everyone though. Needing one or both doesn’t mean they’re “crazy”. The stigma that mental disorders carries is extremely harmful to people that have them, the people that need help, and the rest of society as a whole. Stop the spread of false information, and get your kid the help he needs.